Letters of Rejection
by Raifu No Tenshi
Summary: Set in Harry's seventh year in an AU. There is going to be slash in here, so no comnplaining if you read this without giving any thought to the summary. Also note that the characters will be OOC.
1. Chapter 1

RNT: I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything. Well now I have. This is a humorous thing I just did after going through so many Harry Potter Slash fics. So I hope many people enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters I'm using, or any the magical properties incorporated in each fanfiction. This all belongs to J. K. Rowling.

* * *

**Letters of Rejection:**

Draco "Jackass" Malfoy

* * *

If there was one thing that Harry Potter was not, it was stupid. Sure, many people from the Slytherin would argue that, but in truth Harry wasn't.

That is why he was pissed when he got a love note that was so over-done that Harry would have to be brainless to not know it was from Draco Malfoy. I mean, really, who the hell uses silk paper with a silver dragon watermark and green ink yet sign "your secret admirer" as if you wouldn't be able to tell?

……………

Well, too bad for Draco, for when it came to rejecting _any_ suitor, Harry was not only vicious but also very blunt about it.

So with that, Harry dipped his quill in his ink pot and started to write a letter that would make Draco regret even thinking about Harry with any positive emotion.

* * *

It was a Monday morning, the best time to ruin someone's day and make them sulking around for the rest of the week. Hedwig did a simple a quick delivery, dropping the letter on top of receiver's food that caused it to splatter over himself, before going to her owner, steal a piece of bacon, and then return to where ever the hell she came from.

Wasting no time in giving Harry a glance over, Draco ripped open his mail and started to read.

_Dear Malfoy Junior,_

_With all do respect, I suggest that you turn to another person as a source for your libido's satisfaction. I have no time to spare you in coddling with a sex-crazed child, who obviously thinks that writing out your sexual fantasies to someone will get him in your bed in no time._

_After all, you'd be a great danger to me and my health. No, not in the perverted sense you must think of, but in the sense that I'll be driven to kill you in a horrible and painful way and sent to Azkaban, simply because you are a jackass._

_Besides, if I wanted to be treated as a trophy and degraded to a position of worthlessness, then I would have become Mrs. Umbridge's bitch._

_So next time you even think about using me as the star of your wet dreams keep these things in mind:_

_1.) Just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I'm desperate._

_2.) I go for men, not she-mans. And believe me, you are one. Why else would you hold yourself up as much as a girl and whine about absolutely everything?_

_3.) I also prefer men older than me. I'm not gonna trust the satisfaction of my pleasure and the safety of my ass to someone as virginal as you. Rather, I go for someone who actually knows what they're doing._

_4.) I don't go for self-centered jerks._

_So I hope you take what I've just written in mind, or else I would have to spell your broom to join that stick up your ass._

_Not-So-Sincerely,_

_Harry._

* * *

RNT: Well, I hope that was enjoyable. If you have any suggestions, please make them in an appropriate manner. I may pair Harry with someone later on, but for now that is on the backburner for now. Thank you for reading this and have a great day.


	2. Chapter 2

RNT: I had this quick idea for the second part of this after I finished the first one. Oh, and if I offend anyone because I insulted their favorite character, I'm sorry. This story is mostly done in the name of offensive humor.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling.

* * *

Letters of Rejection:

Lucius "Old-Fart" Malfoy

* * *

It was horrible. It was disturbing. It was just plain disgusting and wrong.

Harry Potter is forever going to be scarred be this.

And the source of it all was a very beautiful scroll that deceives the looker's eyes as someone of a master piece. It was from Lucius Malfoy, Death Eater and son of the last person Harry rejected.

You might want to say, "Well, like father, like son," but you're not on the receiving end like Harry. In fact, it took a week of talk therapy with Luna Lovegood and many vials of Dreamless Draught to get him started on his rejection letter.

It was completed in two days, after many hours of sobbing in the fetal position, mumbling about old dirty men out to get him. But once it was finished, Harry felt releaved and went back to his normal self, which consisted of writing homosexual pornographic stories that were published under the name: "James H. Evans." It was a surprise that only a hand full, all girls in his house and year, discovered his writing profession.

But we're getting off topic. Let's see how the senior Malfoy will react...

* * *

It was a long time before Lucius had the time and privacy to actually read Harry's letter. Between his wife's demands of spending more time together and his son's sobbing over his rejected love, Lucuis was forced to constantly be on guard. He was lucky to have stashed the letter inside his vest before Narcissa caught sight of it and put him under an interrogation worse than the still-in-hiding Dark Lord can give.

Which was why, Lucius wanted out. For once he wanted to hold the position of "alpha" in his relationship, which surely wouldn't happen with his current wife. So, he chose Harry Potter, since not only was he also wealthy and not very bad on the eyes, but also because he seemed to be the utter picture of a submissive lover.

So after locking the door with as many spells he can think of, casting a silencing charm, and blocking the fire place with that seemingly one hundred ton sofa from his great-great-great-grandmother that looked so very tasteless by even existing, Lucius jumped onto his bed like he was a little child that stole a family heirloom that seemed to be begging him to take and exaimine it.

And before his imagination (a.k.a. dirty fantasies) got the better of him, Lucius opened the letter as if it was made of very thin glass, which would be a idiotic material to make any paper-like item out of. Unfolding the letter, Lucius gaped at the audacity Harry had written in his reply.

_Dear Malfoy Senior,_

_It has come to my attention through you archaic ways of communicating that you are a very disturbed man. Seriously disturbed. That's why I suggest you go to St. Mungos right away because you need lots of help. But what you must to from now on is stay the fucking hell away from me and forget all your dirty fantasies._

_After all, I'm your son's age. Old enough to be your grandkid even. You're like four decades older than me or what? That makes you an old fart. A really perverted and twisted old fart. And if I really wanted a perverted old fart as a partner, I would've done Dumbledore or someone as equally insane and old._

_So some advice for the future, I suggest you go visit the senior homes near by. Go play some shuffle board with them or bingo. If you're lucky, you might get at it with someone more appropriately your age. Besides, you still have a wife, which just adds more to how distrubing your thoughts are._

_If this whole mess is about your performance for some reason -oh god, I can't believe I've to advise someone like you to this- then I suggest that you got to the muggle world, find a drug store or a pharmacy and ask for Viagra. It's a little blue pill that can fix the problems you're having in your junk, as long as you don't try to use them on me. And if you do try that, then expect some of your body parts disappearing and replaced with something you surely would not enjoy having._

_But even if you were some how able to fix the age difference problem, which I suggest you don't bother trying since Snape is still pissed at you for revealing one of his most private secrets in a drunkin fit at a Christmas party, I still wouldn't have you any where near by behind within a ten foot radius. That is simply because you were a fuckin' Death Eater, who more than once threatened the lives of myself and my dear loved ones._

_Don't you give me that lame bullshit that you are under ugly-snake-head's becaue you know, I know, and everybody knows that you are willing and happy to participate in the bastard's plans one hundred percent the whole way. I, on the other hand, have neither forgotten this nor will stoop to such a level as to have sex with a sleazy old fart like you. So I say to you, go fuck yourself you snooty geezer, for I have some respect and dignity to remain loyal and supportive to my dear friends and family._

_With all of the hate and disgust in the world,_

_Harry_

_P.s. I don't give a damn if you're a Malfoy and you're rich, I'm still not going to have any relationship with a heartless murderer like you. Plus, I don't go bleached blondes._

* * *

Harry hums one of his favorite songs as he eats his breakfast of hash browns, egg salad, and frankfurters next to his friends, two of which are arguing like an old married couple, and the rest teasing them about how in love the two are. It's then that some of the gossip hungry girls sit down and quite loudly rave about the latest rumors at the gossip mill.

"... I heard that there's been a curse placed on the Malfoy family."

"Really? What kind of curse? One to make them hotter? Or one to make them less snobby?"

"Sadly, neither. It seems that they have been stock with a curse of utter emo-ness!"

"How terrible!"

"I know. And it has only been affecting the males of that family. I heard that Draco had gone to Snape for help, only to be kicked out aby his sheer annoyance."

"Oooo! What else?"

"I also heard that the current head of the family was sent to St. Mungos by his own wife under the remark that she was close to killing him for his, quote: utterly childish and irrational mood swings that can put any pregnant mother to shame!"

"Oh man! I would love to have been a fly on the fly in St. Mungos' reception area to see all of that!"

"I know. Now, from what I heard, James H. Evans is soon releasing a sequel to his ever delicious novel: 'It's All Your Fault.'"

"You mean the one where this one guy, whose dating some rich wizard, ends up falling for his boyfriend's stalker, who worships the ground the boyfriend walks on?"

"Yes, that's the one. Only in this new release it's about the now ex-boyfriend swearing off love all together after his ex-stalker and ex-lover eloped together, but is forced to house an injured and unloved werewolf, who happens to be the minister's long lost and presumed dead son, who he'll end up falling in love and face the many challenges that threaten to tear them apart from each other."

"Oh, I can't wait for it to come out."

"Yeah, these two weeks are going to such torture on us. And from what I heard from Samantha, the book stores will most likely be packed before it even opens..."

Harry's happiness reaches another level at his success of getting rid of the two most undesirable suitors -in his opinion- out of the hopefully short line -which is very unlikely- of men in waiting. Gulping down his glass of pumpkin juice, Harry continues to simply radiate sheer joy, which ends up infecting his fellow house mates.

* * *

RNT: I just had to include that. Now, I know there are some LucuisxHarry fanfictions out there -hell, I've read and enjoyed quite a few of them myself- but we have to admit that on the scale of age differences and the fact that Lucuis actually poses as a real threat to Harry's loved ones that it's a bit weird and sort of wrong. I'm not saying that people have to stop writing about that pairing, but I'm just pointing out that that kind of relationship, according to the series, is very unlikely due to so many negative factors. Anyway, I hope many of you readers enjoyed this as much as I did writing it. And if you feel like review, please be mature about it, especially in suggestions. After all, keep in mind that like a television show, if you don't like what I wrote, just leave this story and move on. We all have the freedom of speech, but how one uses it will determine whether you'll actually be taken seriously and be seen as a mature human being. Now, I hope everyone reading this has a good day.


End file.
